Pretty sure my mom just told me she thought I was going to be a lesbian

Mom: "you watched all of your sisters go through their relationships and mine as well.  I wasn't sure you were going to end up with a man."

Kitchen Challenge

My kitchen is the size of your walk-in closet.

It is a good thing b and I are not fat because we wouldn’t be able to fit together in the kitchen.

My counter/prep space is 1 foot wide by 2 feet deep

Of the four burners, there is only one that works fast (less than 10 minutes to heat up). And only on high. It takes about 3 minutes to get HOT and then is hot/warm for 3 hours after you shut it off.

If you turn on more than two burners at once, it trips the circuit breaker, shutting off the electricity to our entire apartment.

Our oven is a “chaleur tournant” meaning that it has hot air moving around. The lazy susan in the center is supposed to move. It does this once every 6 months.

Our oven used to be on top of our college-dorm sized fridge in the kitchen, which meant it opened right to left over the only burner in the kitchen that works. Now it is on top of our stereo in the living room.

I asked b’s dad (a white collar retiree in his 50’s) to mount a 1 foot square slat of wood so we could put a coffee machine on it. He happily came over to practice his hobby and mounted then proceeded to mount the slat with a slight lean down to the right. When I asked him, he laughed. He retells the story at dinner parties and chuckles. I’m still not sure why.

I made Thanksgiving for 10 people in this kitchen.

I won that challenge beyotches.

Texts

Conversation Friday night by text between my boyfriend and I:

Me: Did you do the dishes?! (I came home to a clean kitchen)

Him: C'etait le Saint Esprit (my french translation: It was St Spirit)

Me: Is that some funny french word for "magic"?

Him: No, it means God.

Me: God did my dishes!?