Le sigh

The French might be the kings of exagerrated non-verbal signs.  They don't like giving praise - it should be understood that if no C'est de la merde was uttered, that what you have done is good. Or if things go the other direction, they just might force out Le sigh.

You should hear this rush of air being forced out of almost-pouted lips, saturated with eye-rolling disgust. It is impressive how they are able to fit so much irritation into one exhale.

But adding irritation to already irritating situations had to stop.  Must get Frog to poop outside of the pond.
I had heard it a hundred times, didn't quite remember to catch it in the act. 
So this is the first time I could consciously point it out.  We were at an airport, our flights had been canceled, thus causing a serious problem for us to catch our connecting flight, to get to our hotel that was already paid for, and pick up our rental car to drive across Costa Rica to pick up my dear old dad and stepmom, with whom we were sharing a car to get to my sister's wedding.
But this was not why Le Sigh came out. No.  I hear the wind in my ear, only to turn in the direction of my Cheri to see him looking across airport check-in hall  at a woman with a small dog... in a wheel chair.  It looked something like this

This was the scene that was so irritating that he forced Le Sigh out. 
Yes, what could possibly be more irritating than being late for my sister's wedding, leaving my dad waiting for us for 4 hours at the airport only to take a Costa Rican bus across the mountains, and us losing money vacation time.  Apparently a dog in a wheelchair.



On a more awesome note, I realized I have begun doing Le Sigh. 
I suppose it shouldn't be much of a surprise, when I first got here and we had arguments, I spoke in French.  It may have been the awkward Belgian French that the French French deem as coming out of the mouth of a Spanish Cow, but still, I could be clearly understood. So it shouldn't really be surprising that I would take a step forward towards Frenchness in order to be understood. 
Yes, now everyone will completely understand me when I am so disdainfully full of disgust at a situation that  I must lazily roll my eyes and force all the air out of my half-puckered lips. 

Miscellaneous

Things I have gotten used to:

My neighborhood homeless guy - I was quite perturbed when someone else was in his spot today, sitting exactly as he does and looking overactors-anonymous forlorn instead of saying "Bonjour" like my guy does.

The Brazilian transvestites who also shop at my Primeur (pree-meuur).

I have become particular about my bread. Big surprise, I know. 

Scarves:  The ultimate in unpredictable-weather and chic-accessory wear no longer makes me feel like I am choking.  

Spooning in the metro:  this morning there was a metro with doors open and 4 people standing in front of it not willing to back themselves in.  I looked at that metro, only 85% full (as evidenced by the breathing room) and immediately thought about those 4 people:  amateurs. Then I promptly turned around and stepped into the 6 inches of extra space. 



Complete fail of the week:
Coffee and Honey Smacks for breakfast (the fact that I actually bought Honey Smacks speaks volumes)
Watching Dawson's Creek. They show 5 episodes one after the other. 
Dubbed in French.
Maybe I should say that again to scare myself straight.
I watched Dawson's Creek. 

Good points: 


Word of the week:  Scouts (pronounced scoots):  because it is silly and fun to call these kids scoots.  Skuuuutes. 

This is them in the RER (city train - not te be confused with the metro)  

This week's shocker:

A HUGE advertisement in the metro for extra-marital dating website - targeted at women.  Classy! And fully living up to France's poly-amourous reputation. Thanks DSK and my middle school French textbook!
Ok so not so much of a shocker.

(I am sure they must have taken out anything in the wedding vows pertaining to loyalty/fidelity.  But it is the beginning of wedding season, so I'll confirm that over the next couple months).

Bon

Bonjour Madame at the Boulangere's (Bakery)

Bon courage to b for his project and going to work in the rain


Bonne journée from the Primeur (produce man) after I pay him and leave to go home



Bon appétit before eating lunch 

Bon shopping to friends stopping by the the Grands Magasins before heading back to work

Bon yoga from b over the phone as I hang up to go to my yoga class

Bon chance and Merde! to R going into a job interview

Bon film to friends going to see The Artist at the cinema

Bonne soirée when leaving a restaurant

Bon continuation to the crazy from AttractiveWorld.com that A blocked because he wouldn't stop texting


 and finally, Bonne nuit

make handsome dreams

Se lever du mauvais pied

French phrase of the day

se lever du mauvais pied (seuh leuhvay du mo-vay pee-eh)

I get up early sometimes and meet my friend Max for coffee.  I drag myself out of bed and throw some clothes on and run to the metro (this is quite scandalous here, but being badly dressed and wearing tennis shoes makes me feel rebellious and free). 
Sometimes I drag my feet and run late. And in typical fashion, today, line 13 was so packed that even though I am child-sized, I can't fit in. 
So then I sit.  And then for 11 minutes while I wait through the next 3 metros (for the next slightly less packed metro), I spew an angry diatribe ending in "I am going to punch that metro driver in the throat"

Huh.  I think. 
And I realize,  it is one of those days.  Funny because nothing is particularly wrong. I just have that feeling - like no matter how many shiny pastries or rainbow-pooping unicorns were to pass in front of my eyes all I am going to feel doing is punching people in the throat. 

In french, this is called
    "to get up on the bad foot"

So I just wait it out. 
And while I do that, I look for people who are on my shite list to get in a fight with. 

The swear word edition

 I don’t really swear in French.  Mostly because I can’t make the stupid “r” noise very well. 

And the “u” noise. 

Well I can make the "u" noise. It just sounds ridiculously stupid.  And gay. 

Well, and it’s only in slightly poor taste to throw around swear words when your level of communication is at about pre-adolescent.  

Well on second thought, maybe it is entirely appropriate.  First naughty words.

 

So the one that does occasionally escape my Parisian mouth is chier. 

SHEEEYAY.    

Say it again: SHEEEYAY

As in “ça me fait chier”.  It makes me SO mad.  Sa meuh fay SHEEYAY!

 “It makes me defecate.”

(Do you like how I avoided the swear?) 

Why this is the swear, I really don't know.  

Except it is reflexive. You do it to yourself.  So it literally, means this:

Is that what happens when you get mad? 

words that offend my ears

Somedays I pass people on the street saying things that I don't think should be allowed. Not swear words, what the french call "big words." But words that are offensive to my ears. I learned french because it was beautiful, because even insults sound passionate.

I did not, however, learn French for words like "meuf", while you might think this is an animal sound, you would be wrong. This is the common word for femme or "woman"

Please, french speakers, stop the hating. Isn't it enough that you eat the bowels of animals and wear sweaters tied over your shoulders? Do you really need to add animal noises like "meuf" to the table?