Language Tutorial

If you are having trouble getting your message across while in France, let me offer you a guide to some of the words you might be pronouncing wrong...

          ko-boy





At your local Café, style (steeele) Starbucks.
Or better yet, New Yorkaise, since we are too hip for Starbucks.  (Where are my thick rimmed glasses?!)

Muh-feen

Bay - ghelle

Bro-nee

Wee-Fee







And if you thought you thought you could at least have the rights to Disney. You would be wrong

Diz-Nay

Mih-Kay

Île d'Yeu

At first when they told me "eel d'yeuh", 

I thought, île dieu - a paradise Island from God!?  

Yes, please!

And then I remembered,  that's in the North Atlantic.

Which was not unlike when they told me we were going to St Michel

Yay!

but it was actually St Michel Chef Chef

less yay.

Or when they told me we were going to Province and I thought I was going here:

but no.

 Surprise! You are going.....

...anywhere outside of Paris!

The swear word edition

 I don’t really swear in French.  Mostly because I can’t make the stupid “r” noise very well. 

And the “u” noise. 

Well I can make the "u" noise. It just sounds ridiculously stupid.  And gay. 

Well, and it’s only in slightly poor taste to throw around swear words when your level of communication is at about pre-adolescent.  

Well on second thought, maybe it is entirely appropriate.  First naughty words.

 

So the one that does occasionally escape my Parisian mouth is chier. 

SHEEEYAY.    

Say it again: SHEEEYAY

As in “ça me fait chier”.  It makes me SO mad.  Sa meuh fay SHEEYAY!

 “It makes me defecate.”

(Do you like how I avoided the swear?) 

Why this is the swear, I really don't know.  

Except it is reflexive. You do it to yourself.  So it literally, means this:

Is that what happens when you get mad? 

French words that chap my hide

I like stereotypes. That are true. (After all they do come from somewhere)

It means the Russians will invite me to a baby shower and ask me to bring a bottle of liquor (what do you think, should I bring vodka?). And that KFC is full of Africans. (I will go around Paris and take pictures if you want, but it is hilariously true). And that I listen to a TED talks (if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm white. In fact, REALLY white. Like, night lite anyone?). And really, where would we be if Sophia Vierga was as waifey as Kate Moss?(i.e. latin women are curvy)

So duh, French people you are supposed to be romantic, sexy, poised and naturally good looking.

Which is maybe why it bothers me so much when I hear some of the following words out of the mouths of French babes:

dodo: sleep as in, Je vais faire dodo. I am going to sleep.

nounou: nanny

doudoune: a down coat Which we have all started taking out of the closet because of the beautiful June weather.

popo: simultaneously a nickname for someone whose name starts with a "P" and what the little girl in my building asked me if her dog did on the sidewalk last night.

Decidedly unsexy, simplistic, and none of them smell overwhelmingly good in their cardigans tied in a knot around their shoulders.

It is ruining the last of my own Frantasyland dreams of beautiful old stone buildings and romantic walks at night.
Please, do not talk to me about anything to do with nannies, coats, or anyone's nickname! It's really putting me off baguettes.

Ed or Franck

Creepy huh?

This is Ed

or Franck. I can't decide

I cannot resist things that are 1 euro and last week when b and I went to pick up Sunday newspapers (after la piscine) I found this at the Presse (newspaper stand). Well he didn't have the top of his cranium, nor did he have eyes. Just a skull, jawbone and 32 teeth to plug in. And then I had leftover M&Ms, and really, what better place to put them than in the open skull sitting in your living room.
But this week at the Presse there was the top of his skill and part of a brain with two beady eyes for 3,99. (rant: why must French switch the "," and "." in money? Or if we are going by seniority, why did the Americans?) And even though it was no longer 1 euro, I could not resist.

But now Franck is creepy. So I had to remove the new expensive parts and just leave him with an open crâne filled with M&Ms.

Marsannay la Côte to Allex

Allex at the red flag, Geneva Switzerland on the lake on the right.

Allex is a mini village (and yes, the term "village" is commonly used, and no it does not mean the inhabitants are living in huts). But it isn't even on our France map.

We start out in the early afternoon taking the autoroute (translation big, fluid-traffic road with tollways). I am living my american dream in our Ford mini car, driving on the freeway listening to the Foo Fighters. Stopping for sugary gummy things and coke (because really, what are road trips for, if not to allow yourself and all access pass to Candyland).

We arrive at our "chambres d'hôtes" in Allex in the early evening. It has a pool, and it is warm, lots of garden and plants - lavender, of course- and NOW I feel like we are on vacation.

The term Chambres d'Hôtes is translated as Bed and Breakfast. So it is basically people taking you in to a room or rooms in their home. By the French Government's tourism statistics for 2009 there are 35 times more Chambres d'Hôtes than there are Hotels in France. If the option of a chambres d'hôtes is available we undoubtedly take it. We have had really good experiences in all the chambres d'hôtes we have stayed in. They are generally owned by people who have traveled and who want to provide a good traveling experience for you.

One of the best parts of staying at these places is that you can get the low down on the area. The one we stayed at in Allex was called Chambres d'hôtes les Gaillards. The owners were avid hikers so they gave us maps and reccomendations on hikes and local fresh markets.

(Yes, for all my family members pick yourselves up off the floor, I actually asked for someone's advice.)

No, I do not carry scars from my childhood of having 3 older siblings who couldn't keep their mouths shut. I have no problem taking people's advice. I just only want it when there are words coming out of my mouth that resemble "Can you give me some advice?"

Lovely

luuuuvvvvely

I probably shouldn't say this word. It sounds like I am trying to be all fancy and foreign. BUT, not only does that work in an international crowd (where most people learn British English) but it also feels so nice coming out of your mouth.

Lovelllly

Loooovely

Luuuuuvly

I think its a keeper.

Sorry people who might say I'm a poser. You're just going to have to suck it up.

Lovely.

words that offend my ears

Somedays I pass people on the street saying things that I don't think should be allowed. Not swear words, what the french call "big words." But words that are offensive to my ears. I learned french because it was beautiful, because even insults sound passionate.

I did not, however, learn French for words like "meuf", while you might think this is an animal sound, you would be wrong. This is the common word for femme or "woman"

Please, french speakers, stop the hating. Isn't it enough that you eat the bowels of animals and wear sweaters tied over your shoulders? Do you really need to add animal noises like "meuf" to the table?