Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Light Bulb!

French bras are designed to give you cleavage

American bras are designed to add a cup size.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

French words that chap my hide

I like stereotypes. That are true. (After all they do come from somewhere)

It means the Russians will invite me to a baby shower and ask me to bring a bottle of liquor (what do you think, should I bring vodka?). And that KFC is full of Africans. (I will go around Paris and take pictures if you want, but it is hilariously true). And that I listen to a TED talks (if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm white. In fact, REALLY white. Like, night lite anyone?). And really, where would we be if Sophia Vierga was as waifey as Kate Moss?(i.e. latin women are curvy)

So duh, French people you are supposed to be romantic, sexy, poised and naturally good looking.

Which is maybe why it bothers me so much when I hear some of the following words out of the mouths of French babes:

dodo: sleep as in, Je vais faire dodo. I am going to sleep.

nounou: nanny

doudoune: a down coat Which we have all started taking out of the closet because of the beautiful June weather.

popo: simultaneously a nickname for someone whose name starts with a "P" and what the little girl in my building asked me if her dog did on the sidewalk last night.

Decidedly unsexy, simplistic, and none of them smell overwhelmingly good in their cardigans tied in a knot around their shoulders.

It is ruining the last of my own Frantasyland dreams of beautiful old stone buildings and romantic walks at night.
Please, do not talk to me about anything to do with nannies, coats, or anyone's nickname! It's really putting me off baguettes.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Watching the grass grow.....

Notice the people A-R-O-U-N-D the grass.
Parks don't generally allow people to actually sit on the grass.
We just hang out on the sides, reading the newspaper and watching it grow.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Roadarama 2011: Viva Las Vegas....and the desert

Across the California Desert ....

....to my castle on a cloud

....where I tried to relive my 19th birthday by forcing R (she came with us for 5 days of our trip) to pretend she was one of my high school girlfriends and go on the rides with me (yes, I was quite vanilla in high school- roller coasters and tattoos). Which almost killed me.

...no place like home.

Sanitized, politically correct, Chanel boutique home?

...and on to redder pastures.

Friday, June 17, 2011


Should I be surprised that the Russian is asking me to bring a bottle of liquor to her baby shower?

Someone pray for me.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

How France can be like your ex boyfriend

So I have this friend (no really, I do)
and she came with her school to France for a semester. And she loved it. She went to Starbucks at Opera (where it is extra pretty) and she had her own corner bakery. So at the end of the semester she decided she was going to come back.

She signed herself up for an English teacher position and put Paris as her first, second and third choices for where she would like to go. But then she got sent to Thionville. She could walk the whole town in 1 hour and it seemed to be gray weather all year long . AND when she wanted to teach the kids in Thionville about the American holiday of Thanksgiving her supervising teacher would only let her tell how the Americans masacred and took the land of the American Indians. She wanted to run away from France and never come back.

And so she did. At the end of the year.

Back in the United States she finished school and got a job. And now, 5 months later, wants to come back to France.

Like the boyfriend she just couldn't quit.

And even once she did, could not leave him alone.

My advice, since you didn't ask? Honey, Get yourself a new boyfriend.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Today I went to McDonald's and ate a big mac...while still in my gym clothes

My weaknesses are mean. They hang out together at night and make plans to jump me after school.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

no.10 Yosemite

I wasn't very excited about going to Yosemite, but then we got there....

Massive, cracked granite boulders lay on the ground everywhere. It makes you wonder what it looked like 1000 years ago.

Yosemite is famous for granite walls and waterfalls. The rangers told us we were lucky it was still early enough in the year (April) that there was enough water for the falls. Every waterfall we saw was falling into snow.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Cheese for lunch

Livarot (like Figaro)

I have just finished my first cheese lunch complete with toasted bread and accompanying salade(lettuce).
I feel like I just got assimilated by the moldy Borg.

Why people don't love Paris in the summertime

View from my street

foot-soaking, sweater-wearing, umbrella-requiring summer in Paris.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Realization of the day

Wine makes me lazy.

Well, let's be clear. 3-4 sips makes me funny (i.e. never was the word "mount" so amusing) and
1/2 glass makes me unwilling to make the effort to clean up the dishes after dinner, or actually get up off the couch. Really, I just can't be bothered.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

no. 9 If you are going to......

the breakfast we waited 45 minutes in line outside the restaurant to eat, which we then proceded to eat in 10 minutes time, so we could go to prison.



Saturdays are for markets and Sundays are for scrambled eggs.

Friday, June 3, 2011

....and a little more old talk

I found a fancy website today that will allow me to talk to my nieces! I'm, (as the old people say), stoked!

If you also need help talking to your young friends, check it out.

English-to-12-year-old translator is here


Roadarama 2011, stop no.8: Calistoga a.k.a. the best view from a laundromat, ever.

Well if this doesn't make you want to do your laundry in Calistoga, I don't know what will.