Getting breasts

So, as I said, I've developed a belly.

Did I develop a belly because my posture is crap now?  Or did my stomach, full of 5 courses of French food, require more space and pull my shoulders down to expand forward.  (I know I have great theories).

(And just so you know, eating 5 courses makes you feel tired.  Feeling tired because you ate 5 courses of food has no honor. Have honor because you ran a marathon.  Not because you didn't want to offend your mother-in-law by refusing another serving before the next 2 courses of the meal).     

Theory:  fat settles in places on the body where there is little or no movement.

Proof:  uh, good american booty
So if I wanted to smoke and drink 5 coffees a day and smoke like a chimney, I could have that waify with breasts body that French not-so-nice girls have.  Except for the breasts.

So I don't know how the French girls do the busty chesty thing while having no thighs or hips.  But my theory is if I figure out a way to sit on my chest, some fat will start to settle there.  And maybe I could grow out my adolescent-girl A cup.

   And I totally have those pants already!

Conspiracy Theory

I am going to put a Bath & Body Works candle in our toilet room.

Everyone is going to come out hungry.

We have 3 in our living room. One of them is Apple Crumble. I have been craving apple pie now for a week.

Adorable

I have this delusion that it's adorable when I yawn.
Like somehow I look like one of those tiny little babies yawning for the first time. Adorable.

Except I'm 32.



French people hold their yawns in.

Like teeth-clenching, jaw-straining, mouth closedness.

Try it next time you yawn. See how you feel after.

Why is it that...

..when my computer gets a virus, I feel like I have been slutty with it.